“You’re not required to have anal sex before you’re ready,” he says. In terms of penetrative sex, Rich recommends taking it slow and not jumping right into intercourse for the sole purpose of giving yourself a label. All that said, there's no strict definition of any of these things, and they might mean different things to different people- when in doubt, ask! But for non-penetrative sex these terms might refer to a power dynamic. When it comes to penetrative sex, being a top or bottom often refers to who is penetrating and who is being penetrated. These terms, while often applied to anal sex, do apply elsewhere, and aren't reserved for men who have sex with men. Generally, a bottom is the receiver, a top is the giver, and vers is someone who does both.
So, how do you go about figuring it out? First, let's talk about what these labels mean. It’s “the norm to be unsure and figuring it out.” You should take comfort in the fact that “there’s clinical evidence that it’s a process,” he told me. When I called up my friend Rich Juzwiak, a fellow sex advice columnist over at Slate, this study was the first thing he mentioned.
